Monday, June 18, 2007

the end of the line

So friends, it has been some time. Hasn't it?
I start this post knowing that it will be the last: so here it goes.

To cut to the chase, I stopped blogging out of respect to a delicate situation. I have made a significant life change; Brev and I have separated. It didn't seem like something one should blog about. so. I. didn't.

But to be honest, there is no shortage of things that I haven't blogged directly about; my recent battles with depression, exhaustion, suicidal thoughts, multiple diagnosis, drugs, doctors, therapists, etc. I won't go into it all now, but I will say this: It has been quite a journey. For as much as I will honor that journey and its lessons, I am also glad to say that I am on my way.

In fact, I feel an eerie serenity about the way the universe is shaping my existence. The decision to leave really wasn't much of a decision at all: Doors opened, lighting crashed, burning bushes spoke, coincidences mounted and God said yes. I simply said yes too.

As a friend said; 'Sometimes the universe speaks. Sometimes it screams. '

In closing, I return to a picture that I posted a few months ago when I was in the throes.
A time when I couldn't separate a symptom from a cause.
A time when 'alone' seemed as much of a temperature as a symbol.
A time when I was positive I would never find my way out of Austin.

I now see this picture quite different: strong. independent. beautiful. the first sign of spring.