Saturday, May 20, 2006

ain-bray o-nay ork-way

There are times when my thoughts have a piercing clarity about them.

Then there are days like today.

The days where powerpoint occupies hours. The days where I spend 5 minutes playing with my mouse only to find that I haven't attached it. The days where I will be lucky to accomplish one or two things on my to do list. The days where there are far more than one or two things on my to do list. The days where I can't seem to prioritize my to do list. The days where the very thought of my to do list seems to invoke a chest-tightening, shallow-breathing panic. Take it slow. Break it down to one thing at a time. Take it slow.

Take it slow. It isn't just that the past few days have been anti-climactic . . . I just seem to be living in a perpetual fog. There seems to be the coming of something *big*.

Today I went to the gym, like I do most days, and during my run I kept sorting through my playlists looking for something. The search continued through the first kilometer. The second kilometer. The third kilometer. I am feeling something *big* and yet words nor music seem to shed light on it.

If my to-do list is any indication of what is going on in my life, maybe I need a mix called transition; a hodge podge of songs that seem to contradict each other. Maybe what I am feeling is some sort of Kelly Clarkson, Madonna, Bob Sinclair, Snow Patrol, Counting Crows, Ray Lamontagne, Dave Matthews, Ani DiFranco mix.

Days seem to disappear without notice and as I leap over the final hurdles of my scholastic career I am finding myself with less clarity than ever. Not unhappiness, not desparation, just foggy.

My lack of posting lately has been indicative of that-- and I think partially is that I need to slow the writing about what I am feeling and add a new topic-- people I love. More on that later today.

Who am I kidding. It will probably be tomorrow. maybe.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

have you tried Postal Service? they have a few great songs that play to the foggy in all of us. check 'em out. saw the man at SJU yesterday for the alumni meeting. he and scotty were a buzz (literal and figurative) over a new Johnnie brew. funny!! you and I will have to try it out when you get home. :) sjansen

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